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And I Let It Go

 Have you ever dreamed so high that you thought it was impossible?

Well, I have.

Since in college life, I dreamed of being able to live a perfect life like everyone else: graduating from college, working in a good company in the capital, surrounded by fun friends, and of course a balanced life and work.

In September I finally got the chance. Received in one of the organizations located in the capital. Cool isn't it? Go abroad with high expectations, high income and a lifestyle like a career woman.

Not even a month into being an overseas child in the city of people, I have received a reprimand from God due to excessive pleasure. This made me think: am I going to die alone in this room? away from family?

It was one of those times that traumatized me quite a bit. Sick of being unable to move for several days, alone, not daring to tell my family about my condition. Until finally I decided to admit my situation to paps and uda.

Drama every day thinking about the condition of the body that is not fit, coupled with a workload that is quite draining physically and mentally, crying every day becomes a routine that is usually done.

They said I'm homesick, it just takes a while to adjust to finally being comfortable in the new environment. And it didn't happen. My condition got worse with the release of further examination results from the doctor. The burden on my mind increased from "feeling sick", to "knowing what the pain are".

A lot of talking with the closest people, they keep saying that it's just homesickness and I'll be fine. I tried to survive the next month, and for the sake of my health I decided to return to my safe zone, home.

The advice "don't stop until you get a replacement" doesn't apply anymore when I feel uncomfortable and unwell here. And it turns out that the statement "money can't buy happiness" is true. What's the use of a lot of money if you're always sad?

I used to always feel that money can buy happiness because you can buy whatever you want with money, expensive perfume, expensive shoes, to the freedom to go anywhere. But it didn't happen to me.

I know the decisions I make will disappoint many others. But I also have to think about myself, not add to the list of traumas in my life.

Finally, I hope that we are all given health and the opportunity to be able to live a decent life without any lack of anything.


♥g

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